3am’s

Dammit, it’s 3am and I’m wide awake.

Where is someone to rub my feet or giggle with me telling me “Thank you, Miss” as I make them wince, digging my claws into their bum and sides?

Two Things Too Good to be True

I’m writing this entry directly after the previous one but felt it deserved to be separate, due to the very different subject matter and tone.

There are two things today, two people, who I am speaking with that seem officially Too Good To Be True.

One is financial slave I am in the beginning of acquiring.  He seems sincere and desiring to serve, willing to learn, and like just a generally sweet person.  He and I may work out well.  I’ll not say more as it’s too early to have much of anything Too say, ask me in a week or two.  But he did bring a smile to me today.

The second is that I have been speaking with a slave online for a short while now who I am just getting to know but seems to fit me Too Well.  Personalities, views so far on M/s and Lifestyle related things, general interests, and he’s good looking to me.  There must be something wrong besides the distance issue.  Gotta be.

Not that I’m being truly negative; rather, more humorous.

Anyhow, so I’m taking it easy and seeing what develops in these two very different cases.

A Bit of a Disappointment

I spoke online with a young man who responded to me through another website about what I had written in my last entry about wanting something Hard soon.  He had a wonderfully intense mental and emotional game in mind and I was absolutely intrigued.  He sounded serious and realistic.  This was not to be a one-time thrill, but an involved psychodrama between us of the sort I rarely ever get to indulge in… one where I would need to get to know his mind intimately and then use that information against him.  He was an emotional masochist and it had the possibility of being something really unusual and special and deliciously extreme in impact for us both.

So we had one session where I started to get to know him, he seemed serious and realistic, still.

And then he chickened out on our next scheduled appointment without a word.  Didn’t do the assignment I gave him which was due a day before (which led me to expect the no-show, at least), either.

I’m not upset about it, but a bit disappointed.  It could’ve been a very interesting and entertaining interaction, but he didn’t stick around to let it grow.  It happens, people often in this realm bite off more than they can chew and then have to re-think it or get cold feet later.

I don’t understand it, as it doesn’t happen to me (I am one who checks with themselves before agreeing with or suggesting things, so I always know if I can handle something), but I accept that it happens with others.

I wish him well and who knows, maybe some day our paths will cross again?

But, it’s still a shame lol.  It was fun thinking on the possibilities, though, so it brought some extra light into my life for a few days.

Hard and Extreme Players

I desire to play harder than I have been lately.  I enjoy all of my sessions and scenes, but it’s rare to get someone you can play <u>hard</u> with.

I want to administer an old fashioned, out behind the shed beat down on a sub.  Start some music that gets my aggression pumping in me and take my hands and feet to them.  Slapping, punching, kicking, dragging them around by their hair and leaving them bruised, bloody and crying while thanking me afterwards.

I want to carve great intricate patterns into a sub’s flesh using my scalpels.  Marking them with that moment for the rest of their lives.  Seeing their blood run down them and mopping it up as I go.  Placing a beautiful modification in them while they sit and take it at my hand.  They submitting to my will, my judgement, on what the design shall be.

I want to financially rape a high income businessman, make him have to live on the barest of essentials that month(s).  Make him feel the experience of scrounging to pay the bills again (or especially, if it’s his first time having to), desperately counting his money to see what he can afford on food, wondering if the gas in his car will last long enough…  Suffer for me, baby, while I roll in your cash and laugh at you.

And I still crave to find some pretty, young woman with glorious long hair who I can strap into a chair in front of a public group and shave her head while she bawls over it.  Take away in minutes years of growing it out, caring for it daily, and in one moment drastically altering what she sees everyday in the mirror, how she views herself mentally.

Plenty more, too.  But basically I would just like a good heavy and emotional scene to come my way soon.

New Cuffs in the Mail!

I’m so excited! I’ve ordered the first items in my customized set of colored gear. They are a set of wrist and ankle cuffs + matching blindfold in black and purple leather. (Purple being my “signature color”, so to speak)

I’m not thrilled with having to buy leather, but there weren’t alternatives in what I wanted. The only place I know that makes “vegan leather” BDSM gear does not have purple.

Which brings up: If you want to get on my good side, an excellent start is to share info with me on where to attain online vegan-safe toys and gear. Good quality items, I know I can get a lot of things in cotton and poly-blends (and I do)… I mean things like Lorica and other faux-fur/suede/leather/etc or other materials.

Human Pincushion

I’m on the hunt for a local human pincushion.

Someone who will let me pierce and cut them, whether just for fun or for art purposes.

I have a passion for body modification whether temporary or permanent… and so rarely get to work on anyone but me anymore.

Service and Dominant

Know what I love? I love being served. Not exactly shocking, being on this site. Right?

But let me be more specific on what I mean, since that’s such a vague statement…

I am a very considerate, sweet even, gentle and caring person to others. I am a very courteous person and take great pains to make others comfortable near me in every day life.

I am a very dominant person by nature, but in vanilla life I temper this for the sake of interactions with others.

When I state that I love being served, I mean that I love being able to place that particular form of self-control aside and let loose my dominant, self-centered side and have someone find their own happiness in catering to it.

I enjoy pushing a person beyond their comfort zone… but I don’t mean just in pain play or such as most expect. If someone expects this too strongly, I sometimes like to bore them to death… to cause that discomfort in them. Or if they offer me to buy me something, to demand a larger gift or money amount that makes them wince. Or texting them to drop everything and go to X place for my amusement.

Or just sitting down with them to dinner not requesting anything of them but with that delightful understanding between us that I could and they would do it in an instant.

I love having someone do for me. Sometimes the what is wonderful in itself, but the doing is the main focus. The following of my dictates, the anticipating and looking to my happiness and comfort.

I enjoy getting to be bossy and self-centered, love someone striving to enrich my life.

I’m sure all that sounds like I’m some horrid person, but I’m not. I always consider the limits a partner may have, respect them. I am a very courteous person as stated (even in “lifestyle” interactions many mistakenly think me not dominant as I can come across playful and sweet natured).

It is only with someone geared in my direction that I enjoy these things… it’s no fun if they’re not wanting it. That’s the very point!

As my forum signature jokes, I’m looking for the Jerome to my Morris Day. Or a stable of them. *smiles*